CommentsDevious Comments oh, my html coding was messed up
-- Publishing: How to write a Query My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. *Psalm 62:7 After a few moments we had worked our way past the crowd and into the middle of the road(.) (H)orse-drawn carts (usually) carrying goods - both to and from the port - (were)empty. The Mist Sea overflowing into the streets was a rare, but unfortunate(,) happenstance as it ruined the day for traders. Where they would normally be selling wares for gold and silver, they instead had to spend the day keeping the ships from flowing into Whelder with the mist
(You have used the word "mist" several times - try fog or something else). It came with the territory of owning a craft light enough to sail on the subtle currents of mist, but it was unpleasant nonetheless. "This mist is ridiculous, I can't see ten feet in front of me," I murmured to no one in particular as we rounded another ambiguous corner, "at least I won't get thirsty." Red laughed a bit at my inner conversation, which he had obviously heard. Drawing his hand from the pocket of his coat he pulled back his long, blond hair and fastened it behind his head with a copper pin. A knowing smile crept across his feminine face. "A cubic mile of mist contains less than a gallon of water, so don't go walking around with your mouth open. It's not enough to sate your thirst, and you'll look an awful lot like a turkey... but you already knew that, didn't you?" "Yep." "So you're just messing with me, hoping I would respond to your goading?" "Yep," I said with a smirk, holding the 'y' a few moments longer than necessary, "and you did." "And you're a jackass." Red punched me on the shoulder and laughed. It had been a long standing joke between us to pick on each other for our social flaws, with mine being unwarranted sarcasm and lack of subtlety, and his being the insatiable need to point out facts and correct people. It wasn't animosity, really, so we never made a big deal of it. The mist made it a bit difficult to navigate the streets, but with Red's help we managed to find our way to the dock district without making a single wrong turn. His talent was astounding... He never once looked at a sign or posting, person or shop-stand(.) (H)e knew the way like the back of his hand, even with the limited visibility and the fact that he'd been away for at least three years on a mapping voyage. At least the people walking the streets had thinned some. The markets were always busy, but the docks were occupied by few who weren't tending to the ships, which could be seen floating in the distance, fastened safely to Orkora by the iron anchors and skilled deckhands. The flagship of the Royal Navy, known to all as 'The Medallion', floated gracefully above the mist, leaving only it's gold and ivory painted underbelly visible to the streets below. The golden anchor had already been fastened to the large, stone building sitting right in the center of the docks. That building was our destination, the Whelder Institute, where both Red and I had earned our stripes in our various fields. They called us back on assignment for the Royal Navy. "You still have that letter?" I asked, hoping to glean a little bit more information as we walked up the Institute steps. Red opened his bag and shuffled through the hundreds of papers therein, pulling out a few and checking them over before putting them back. After a few moments he produced a small, cream piece of parchment covered in gold lettering; something reserved for requisitions of the Royal Navy. He quickly handed it over after reading it once for himself. "Here you are, but it's not going to alleviate your curiosity. If anything it'll just make it worse until we see him." I shook my head stubbornly and read the letter, hoping to find an intention or clue as to what we'd be dealing with in just a few moments: Declare here, From the pen of Admiral Guillardo 1st Fleet of his Royal Navy You have been summoned to the Whelder Institute pending assignment for his (who is "his"?)Royal Navy under the authority of myself, Admiral Guillardo. The assignment is urgent, and we request your arrival by the 5th day of the month of the sun. Your sibling has been notified as well, as His Majesty is in need of both of your reputable talents. I hope to meet both you and your brother soon. Regards, Admiral Guillardo Sounds good - be watchful how many times you use "mist". Personally - i would like some more detail of the environment. -- Publishing: How to write a Query My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. *Psalm 62:7 |
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Red had already taken his usual pose, with his thin arms tightly wrapped up in the pockets of his coat to stave off the cool air. Over his left shoulder rested a heavy messenger bag filled with journals, inkwells, pens and those creased, oily pieces of paper he called his 'notes'. They creaked and shuffled against the leather bag with every step he took, but I had gotten used to it after so many years(.) (If) that's what it took to keep the most respected cartographer in Orkora in the business, then that was that. Besides, we had (gotten) used to each other after training for so long. Red may have been able to tell where a pirate took his afternoon nap by looking at the stars, but only I could keep the ship from falling into the depths of the mists when half of it had been blown away by said pirate's friends. Symbiotic relationship, they say.
As a self-proclaimed 'tinkerer', I kept my trench coat shorter, just about knee length (with) my black hair just long enough to keep my ears from freezing off. My bag was filled with the necessities for keeping a ship from falling into the bottomless mists surrounding Orkora: a mallet, twelve foot rope, nails, measuring tools and a whole bunch of water-bread for eating on the job. The stuff all clanged together something awful if I ran(.) (My) job kept me running a bunch, but no one wanted to see what was at the bottom of the Mist Sea, least of all myself(.) (Most of the time(,) the complaints were left silent.
After a few moments we had worked our way past the crowd and into the middle of the road(.) (H)orse-drawn carts (usually) carrying goods - both to and from the port - (were) empty. The Mist Sea overflowing into the streets was a rare, but unfortunate(,) happenstance as it ruined the day for traders. Where they would normally be selling wares for gold and silver, they instead had to spend the day keeping the ships from flowing into Whelder with the mist (You have used the word "mist" several times - try fog or something else). It came with the territory of owning a craft light enough to sail on the subtle currents of mist, but it was unpleasant nonetheless.
"This mist is ridiculous, I can't see ten feet in front of me," I murmured to no one in particular as we rounded another ambiguous corner, "at least I won't get thirsty."
Red laughed a bit at my inner conversation, which he had obviously heard. Drawing his hand from the pocket of his coat he pulled back his long, blond hair and fastened it behind his head with a copper pin. A knowing smile crept across his feminine face. "A cubic mile of mist contains less than a gallon of water, so don't go walking around with your mouth open. It's not enough to sate your thirst, and you'll look an awful lot like a turkey... but you already knew that, didn't you?"
"Yep."
"So you're just messing with me, hoping I would respond to your goading?"
"Yep," I said with a smirk, holding the 'y' a few moments longer than necessary, "and you did."
"And you're a jackass." Red punched me on the shoulder and laughed. It had been a long standing joke between us to pick on each other for our social flaws, with mine being unwarranted sarcasm and lack of subtlety, and his being the insatiable need to point out facts and correct people. It wasn't animosity, really, so we never made a big deal of it.
The mist made it a bit difficult to navigate the streets, but with Red's help we managed to find our way to the dock district without making a single wrong turn. His talent was astounding... he never once looked at a sign or posting, person or shop-stand(.) (H)e knew the way like the back of his hand, even with the limited visibility and the fact that he'd been away for at least three years on a mapping voyage. At least the people walking the streets had thinned some. The markets were always busy, but the docks were occupied by few who weren't tending to the ships, which could be seen floating in the distance, fastened safely to Orkora by the iron anchors and skilled deckhands.
The flagship of the Royal Navy, known to all as 'The Medallion', floated gracefully above the mist, leaving only it's gold and ivory painted underbelly visible to the streets below. The golden anchor had already been fastened to the large, stone building sitting right in the center of the docks. That building was our destination, the Whelder Institute, where both Red and I had earned our stripes in our various fields. They called us back on assignment for the Royal Navy.
"You still have that letter?" I asked, hoping to glean a little bit more information as we walked up the Institute steps.
Red opened his bag and shuffled through the hundreds of papers therein, pulling out a few and checking them over before putting them back. After a few moments he produced a small, cream piece of parchment covered in gold lettering; something reserved for requisitions of the Royal Navy. He quickly handed it over after reading it once for himself. "Here you are, but it's not going to alleviate your curiosity. If anything it'll just make it worse until we see him."
I shook my head stubbornly and read the letter, hoping to find an intention or clue as to what we'd be dealing with in just a few moments:
Declare here,
From the pen of Admiral Guillardo
1st Fleet of his Royal Navy
You have been summoned to the Whelder Institute pending assignment for his (who is "his"?)Royal Navy under the authority of myself, Admiral Guillardo. The assignment is urgent, and we request your arrival by the 5th day of the month of the sun. Your sibling has been notified as well, as His Majesty is in need of both of your reputable talents.
I hope to meet both you and your brother soon.
Regards,
Admiral Guillardo
Sounds good - be watchful how many times you use "mist". Personally - i would like some more detail of the environment.